I AM SORRY! (By Gbile Akanni)

Three simple words, yet proven to be the most difficult combination in human relationship. Though easier said with the lips, what makes it really difficult is that it must first be the state of the heart for it to be real and effective. Someone must first be sorry before he can truly say “I am sorry!”

It is first felt before it is truly said. It is first a state of the heart, an inner emotion arising from a personal realization. It is first of all being overcome by a feeling of wrongdoing, an inner conviction of guilt and a personal admission of missing the mark. It is only when these feelings fill a man that they overflow through his lips in those three epoch words “I am sorry!”

You cannot sincerely say “I am sorry!” without first saying “I am wrong!”, even if only to yourself. Those three combination of words can only sincerely come pouring out of a man under conviction of wrong-doing in order to be relieved by the forgiveness of the wronged party and of course, God. Only a sinner can repent, only the guilty can be sorry.

Luke 15:17-18 "When" he came to his senses, he said, . . . . I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
However, “I am sorry!” is often made a caricature by a feeling of "but I am right". We cannot indeed be sorry except we "know" and "feel" we are wrong. When "I am sorry" is mixed with "even though I am right" then we become a hypocrite, saying what we really don't mean.

Luk 15:7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
There is no Joy in heaven or on the earth when a purported repentance is not from a heart of penitence. Both the person saying "I am sorry" and the one to whom it is said feels no relief or joy because actually that relief only comes as the joy in heaven overflows to the earth.
When we merely say “I am sorry!” when we actually feel we’re right, it shows in our actions. Of course, we hardly can keep it in. We keep on the fight in our actions and reactions even though we have called a truce in our speech. The fight may rage on in violent silence; silence so loud, it is obvious to all around. The strategy may simply transmute into avoidance and sometimes even to over-courteousness or an over-pampering. It is all a punch, designed to make a point while appearing obedient to God's commandment not to strive.

Should we then never say "I am sorry" when we honestly believe we are right? No! There’s probably no more effective way of stopping a strife than simply saying “I am sorry!”, but before we do, we must relinquish our claim on being right. We must look for real reason to be sorry and first accept it, before voicing it.

We must look more on the other side to discover what hurt our being right has caused the other party. Oftentimes, we are technically right, factually right and legally right; but our being right has genuinely wronged the other party. That is the world for you; you can be right and yet be wrong. It is easy to be right and yet cause many people untold misery and loss.

We need to recognize that our right to be right is only to the extent it doesn't cause someone else pain. When we do not care if we wrong men around us just because we can justifiably argue out our right, we actually do not care! And that makes us a sinner before God, despite our being right.

We must estimate a loving relationship of greater value than the exhilaration of being proved right. We must care for the right of others. We must value other people’s feelings beyond our being right. And if we have not, we have a real basis to be truly sorry before we venture to say so! We will only truly feel sorry, when we concentrate on what is happening to the other party. Only then can we feel guilty and truly seek forgiveness because the accompanying phrase of "I am sorry" is "Please forgive me".